H E L L O !
Adilla Abdul or better known as Lala, 25 years old. I have been active in blogging since April 2009 so it is about 9 years being a content writer. I am a lifestyle blogger based in Malaysia which this blog consist of beauty, fashion, health and fitness, eateries and restaurants, travel and places, product reviews and also education using both Bahasa Melayu and English.

For blogger paid review and event coverage kindly reach me at nuruladillarahim@gmail.com

H E L L O !
Adilla Abdul or better known as Lala, 25 years old. I have been active in blogging since April 2009 so it is about 9 years being a content writer. I am a lifestyle blogger based in Malaysia which this blog consist of beauty, fashion, health and fitness, eateries and restaurants, travel and places, product reviews and also education using both Bahasa Melayu and English.


For blogger paid review and event coverage kindly reach me at nuruladillarahim@gmail.com

Dari Anas bin Malik radhiyallahu ‘anhu bahwa Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda,

إِذَا خَرَجَ الرَّجُلُ مِنْ بَيْتِهِ فَقَالَ: “بِسْمِ اللَّهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ عَلَى اللَّهِ، لاَ حَوْلَ وَلاَ قُوَّةَ إِلاَّ بِاللَّهِ” قَالَ: « يُقَالُ حِينَئِذٍ: هُدِيتَ وَكُفِيتَ وَوُقِيتَ. فَتَتَنَحَّى لَهُ الشَّيَاطِينُ، فَيَقُولُ لَهُ شَيْطَانٌ آخَرُ: كَيْفَ لَكَ بِرَجُلٍ قَدْ هُدِىَ وَكُفِىَ وَوُقِىَ

“Jika seseorang keluar dari rumahnya lalu membaca (zikir):

Bismillahi tawakkaltu ‘alallahi, walaa haula wala quwwata illa billah 

(Dengan nama Allah, aku berserah diri kepada-Nya, dan tidak ada daya dan kekuatan kecuali dengan pertolongan-Nya), 

maka malaikat akan berkata kepadanya: “(sungguh) kamu telah diberi petunjuk (oleh Allah Ta’ala), dicukupkan (dalam segala keperluanmu) dan dijaga (dari semua keburukan)”, sehingga syaitan-syaitanpun tidak boleh mendekatinya, dan syaitan yang lain berkata kepada temannya: Bagaimana (mungkin) kamu boleh (mencelakakan) seseorang yang telah diberi petunjuk, dicukupkan dan dijaga (oleh Allah Ta’ala)?”

[HR Abu Dawud (no. 5095), at-Tirmidzi (no. 3426) dan Ibnu Hibban (no. 822), dinyatakan shahih oleh imam at-Tirmidzi, Ibnu Hibban dan syaikh al-Albani.].

I always read this when everytime I want to leave home. I just want to be safe and protected.
I'm not tired. Im just done. So I leave things aside. Au revoir, x

Staying at home could be probably the best vacation during holiday.
I have to finish watching The Walking Dead all seasons and patiently waiting for a new season 5.
Fixing my blog entirely and posting what I have missed since Ive been gone.
I enjoyed reading. I've got two presents given by my friends which they guys gave me a book, "Surat Cinta untuk Kekasih Imaginasi" from Haiyat and "Aku terima nikahnya (kompilasi)" from Peegee. Whatta? hahahha they all have been crazy but anyway a ton of thankies I gave to them because you know I loved books, I am a bibliophile hehe.

So it seems like I'll fill in my holidays by reading.

Futhermore, playing games which I feel like I cant stop playing Candy crush but dont think Im addicted on it, not yet hehe. Im at level 40 now so terrific and stuck and let me know if you guys are playing it too then I could seek your help haha.

Lagi apa? and heyy, please let me know if you have any best songs and you could share it with me!

Hello, Im back. Are you still remember me? heh. Im sorry I have to private my blog for awhile because Ive got an intention to delete all my past photos which were still attached on this blog. Yknow, that i dont have a courage to delete it all. It is hard for me. Been thru two years but still Im not that strong. I feel like i lose something, feel like i lack of something i want hmm. If i could get someone who really care for me i would have do it, easily.

Students' life is terrific.

I got myself been through hardships doing assignments, i didnt spend myself in my own room but hvng discussions outside till late at night. I wont give up. It is my responsible anyway..

Heyy, This is my tiny room at College 15, Serumpun. Actually, i had cleaned it up better than this picture


Alhamdulillah, my motive when I terminated this blog is, to prevent someone from stalking until s/he knows about my past and to take a short time for me to clear all the past photos. I made it. Thanks Allah for gimme a courage to do it. Nawaitu for Allah. Enough, what past is past. Do not try to bob up and down about the past, dear self. There is no more unproper pictures of me. In shaa Allah, i hope I could change myself better than yesterday and be a good muslimah Lillahi Ta'ala. I will post more about what Ive been through, get ready!

Happy midsem break to all degree students!

It is my last day today at home before I'm going back to my university, UPM. Everything has done. I dont know Im being so heartless this moment. Something has just went wrong and I couldnt help myself with it. I'm out. And I feel like I want to end this, stop myself from chasing something I dont think it belong to me.
I'm out the line.

So let just being someone new.
My heart will be unbroken, it will open up to everyone. Even when I cross the line, its like a lie I've told a thousand times. Last night, before sleeps, I finally did tawbah prayer (the prayer of repentance) because I cant sleep that moment. I was thinking deeply, plus ton of emotions hit me so hard that night lagilah. All I can do is, crying. Seeking for something.

Screw everything, I feel like done.

I dont want to be that stupid, I have pride and not gonna lose my dignity to any men out there. I just can't trust them somehow. So how am I gonna fall in love if I dont even trust them? I try to trust this guy and almost giving him my trust but entah, it is too early, Im not ready so do him, isnt. I know. Enough, cukup dengan semua permainan. Kalau tak bersedia janganlah masuk line aku. If they really want me, they have to work for it. Because I wasnt born to chase people. 

Instead of telling that I deserved better, I would have said I deserved someone who had never giving up on me. Worth me. Because if I found this man, I wont let him go. I know that there's many guys out there want me, so Im not bothered if I gonna lose someone. And please, please make me believe you. I will wait for it. Sorry if my words are too offence.

Its easy to grab me but not my trust.


1. name: just call me, lala.
2. birthday:  august 29th
3. favourite color: pink, white creamy
4. lucky number: 8
5. height: 159cm, weight: 50kg


1. last dream you remember: i dont know.. it maybe about chocolate?
2. can you juggle: a bit
3. art/sports/both: Art, im not good in sports lol
4. do you like writing: yeah its alright
5. do you like dancing: I do, but I can’t dance very well lol
6. do you like singing: I love it!! I can’t sing either, but I will sing at the top of my lungs if I hear a good song


1. dream vacation: Anywhere i guess.. maybe to somewhere i can stay peacefully with my love one
2. dream date: Something simple, talking would be enough cuz I dont do date thingy
4. dream wedding: Not too fancy, not too luxury cuz I wanna spend much money on marriage
5. dream pet: I really want a guinea pig that have a spiky hair
6. dream job: I want to work as a Journalist ofcuz


1. favourite song: Whatever will be by Vanessa Hudgens, Jatuh by Estrella, Au Revoir by One repb.
2. favourite album: "Native" and "Waking up" both by One Republic
3.favourite artists: Britney Spears and One republic hehe
4. last song you heard on the radio: i dont remember but english song for sure
5. last song played in your playlist: Aww there's a lot.. hurm Iris by Goo good dolls


1. guys/girls/both: definitely boys!!
2. hair colour: hrmm ofcourse black, thick is better hehe
3. eye colour: dont care
4. humorous/serious: I’d never be able to date a serious guy. I really am a weird person and i dont know if he can handle that haha xD
5. taller/short: TALLER!! Idk…For a short girl, I tend to like taller guys, taller than me its ok
6. biggest turn-off: Pervert guys pls back off!
7. biggest turn-on: I like the one who is mentally different than me, positive with negative to complete each other. I interested in engineering guys since in school i dont know why and to be honest i like their hairstyling and wear fitted-jeans but not too tight.

Nampak tenang pada zahir. Pada hati tah siapa tahu. Punya sekeping hati yang mudah untuk terguris, sekeping hati yang belum mencapai tahap mencintai Ilahi melebihi apapun, tapi secara perlahan-perlahan diri ini cuba memupuk dan membajanya jauh di sudut hati. 

Sebab dah penat jadi jahil, sebab tu cuba kembali pada fitrah. Menjadi baik. Alhamdulillah thanks Allah kerana telah menutup segala aib dan kekurangan ini sehinggakan orang-orang yang baru mengenaliku menyangka aku memang seorang yang baik, dari segi penampilan yang kelihatan seorang muslimah dengan bertudung labuh sopan tatacaranya. Alhamdulillah segala aurat dijaga dengan baik. Nampak macam solehah namun masih merangkak mencari tarbiyyah dalam diri. Setiap manusia pasti akan melakukan kesalahan, aku juga begitu, tak lepas. Tak lari dari sentiasa tersilap malah rasa semakin teruk diri ini. Paling susah, nak jaga batas pergaulan. Failed. Paling bodoh apabila aku menyakiti orang-orang yang baik dan menyanjung orang-orang yang tidak baik. Takkan kerana dulu aku pernah disakiti maka aku menyakiti pula orang lain? tanya aku pada hati. Ya. Sebab hati. Sebab hati ini sangat gelap dan rapuh. Mana mungkin terisi cahaya dan cinta di dalamnya. Sebab ke semua ruang hati telah diisi dengan kehitaman. Mana mungkin juga untuk aku menyimpan manusia di dalamnya. Kelak akan mengecewakan. Rabbi, terangilah hati ini dengan keimanan, suburkanlah jiwa dengan ketakwaan agar aku dilengkapi dengan cinta hakiki. Segala cerita pada masa silam dahulu, harus aku lupakan demi masa hadapan yang lebih bermakna. Fokus.

Disebalik ketenangan tersimpan berjuta rahsia. Hanya pada Ilahi disandarkan segala harapan. 

1 day left before I turn officially 20. Harap aku terus bermujahadah, perbaiki segala kelemahan diri, raih ilmu yang masih belum belajar dan paling penting, perlu cari erti cinta. Cinta biarlah tulus, bukan disirami dengan nafsu. Cinta pada Allah - melebihi segala benda dalam dunia ini. Takkan aku lupa nikmat yang Allah kurniakan, alhamdulillah. Sudah mencapai puluhan umur, aku perlu tahu apa yang aku inginkan. Dan lala, please control your emotions kerana syaitan takkan pernah putus asa untuk meniupkan kemarahan dan kesedihan dalam diri jadi jangan putus asa, dear self. Kau pasti menang. Dan lala, again, kalau dah jumpa yang baik hargailah. Apa yang lepas itu lepas, tiada jodoh. Yang pergi digantikan dengan yang lebih baik. Pasti ada hikmahnya. Buang semua, biar tinggal si dia seorang. Akan aku hargai diri juga, menjadi bunga mawar yang aku suka. Cantik pada pandangan tetapi sakit apabila disentuh kerana durinya yang melindungi bunga. Moga aku hijrah bersama hati bukan tudung labuh.

"Ada sebab mengapa kita mengenali seseorang itu dalam hidup kita, Sama ada kita perlu mengubah hidup dia, atau dia yang bakal mengubah hidup kita. Allah takkan hadirkan seseorang itu tanpa sebab."
Sayang, segala yang Allah takdirkan, pasti baik-baik belaka :)

Ada masa masa memang aku rasa gampang tahap macam apa hentah.

Kau tahu mengapa?

Aku dah terbiasa luka berdarah
Hati aku dah mula ranap
Sayap aku hampir patah
Rasa aku mahu punah
Aku ingin segera lesap

Saat aku terlupa yang aku ada Tuhan.
Saat aku terlupa yang aku masih punya iman.
Jadi terus terus aku begini.


Mungkin kebencian telah menang meragut hati mudanya
Lalu dia menjadi buta mencari cinta di sisi kanan kirinya
Ditepis-tepis benci disuruh pergi

"Tuhann rangkullah dia. Tengok-tengokkanlah jiwanya yang sudah lecur itu. Pasti bisa Tuhan sahaja yang mampu ubati ". - reblog via gadispianist (credit)

Long hair problem. I experience all those! Haha. It is hard to keep a long hair, and especially to those who have had curly and coarse one. I wasted a lot of money to my hair. Using a lot of shampoo everytime I washed my hair and bought hair products such as serum, conditioner, hair mask and vitamins. Yup, hair is what I obsessed. Very. The last time I cut my hair short when I was 16 years old and after that, I kept it long but I did trimmed my hair into V-curve at the end when I was 18 years old. Okay, you guys cant imagined how long and creepy is my hair right now in addition it is hard for me as hijabi.

// That moment having a long hair and people may scream because they thought you are a ghost. Grr, I have ever experienced that before when my dad and my brother scream when they saw me and then when I asked them that I want to cut my hair they forbid me from doing that, hey whats the matter?!

That is why I put a name as "Ghostgirl" on twitter - It's because of my hair and that is what my family call me. A ghost. So yah, take a good care of your hair :>
It won't be that easy. If it's easy, it is not a love but lust. I doubt every feelings that hit me, because sometimes it doesnt feel true. But this time, I hope it is true. It is the right one. I always hope so before this but i dont deserved  photo th6-2.gif  I just dont want to be hurt and hurt. I'm scare. Scare about my thoughts. I would try to forget everything before and never look back. I always trying to be good and make good.  I hope everything is going alright in shaa Allah. If I really found something better, I just wont simply let it go. I won't. I would chase what is belong to me.  photo th086.gif

Take time... I will put my faith entirely to Him. And I shall fix my relationship to God first before I step into another relationship. Allah's willing..

Doushite kimi wo sukki natte shimatandarou?


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I just want to express the photos that I had captured today. Yup, I'm practising to capture some photographs with varies angles. I know my photos still need to practise a lot. // So my family and I went to have a break-fasting at the town.

I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love. Who’s going to love the girl that can’t stop crying? The girl that hurts herself? The girl that is losing control? The girl that is so sad she can’t get out of bed? The girl that keeps pushing everyone away? Who’s going to love the monster in me, who’s going to love me now?

Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It’s a lie. It’s just something that people say they’ll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said ‘friendly’ relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it’s like breaking up all over again. But messier. — Sarah Dessen

Love is always a good thing no matter how much it hurts. Even after it’s over, even through the pain, anyone who has ever really loved will tell you that they never regretted a second of it, no matter how much it hurt in the end. And if you tell me differently, I will tell you that you were not truly in love.

No, we cant be friend. And we cant fall in love.
To tell you the truth I don’t have much to offer. But I’ll still give you everything I’ve got, even if it’s barely a thing at all. I’ll give you late nights. Someone to talk to, someone to care for, someone who will always be there. A hand to hold, somebody to lean on. And if that’s not enough, just know you have all of me. I hope that’s enough.

Its been too long i didnt post about my thoughts here plus i dont know how to start typing but i think it's safe to say here.

Blog is the way I spread out what's inside my heart. I really think that Im such a loser. Its all came from me. Its all my fault. What had happened to me is because I was the one who started it. I dont realize that I changed inter and outernally. To be honest from tudung labuh (long veil) to the tudung bawal biasa. Yep, dont be so surprised.

People make mistakes. One day we will realized by committing a mistake is the common way of life that can mature us. Learn from the mistake. The reason why I changed because I couldnt bear of what people talked about me. Their mentallity thought that tudung labuh must be perfect 24 hours by not making mistakes. Thats why, i avoid by wearing it BUT Im still in the class of covering aurah in shaa Allah.

I hope people wont get misunderstanding with me. Im a human. I made mistakes everyday, comment me but not too much cause i easily get pissed off by people's criticise about me. Im still in the progress of change.
Evolution. How I dress to class. Start with Semester 1, Semester 2 and Semester 3

Assalamualaikum my readers, hi  I am reaaaally sorry of my promises to talk about My Hijrah. I also receive faq about this from families, friends, cyber buddies and strangers. Now, I am ready to blog. Its hard for me to explain by face to face and keep re-explaining. So, let this blog be a connection. First people who knows about my hijrah is Farahin, that one girl of ex-asperian that I didnt close to her langsung but I trust her. Second was my mum and third, was my team (girls) during charity programme while playing true and dare. I chose "true" thats why lah haha. Thats all yang tahu. This is because I'm afraid and I dont think people would believe me.

  1. How did you change?
  2. How did you istiqamah?
  3. Why did you turn from the real you?
  4. How did you get the hidayah?
  5. ... and etc that related to.

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.. based on what I blog here, just sit, relax and think deeply. There is no cheat and penipuan (lying) here. Its up to you whether you wanna believe it or not. I just shared what people want to know, I promised them to talk about this and it is a request from my mum that want me to share it with you. Setelah berbulan-bulan lamanya lala bersembunyi dan lari daripada ini. To cut it short, 

I am that one girl who people cant really describe me. How to say.. I looked sweet and innocent  based on my external view but who know that I like socializing randomly? I didnt mean to bad impress about myself but this is how the lesson that you need to learn. Tentang lala yang dulu? Hrmm.. it started when I step into a secondary school and myself change in every perspectives every year, i mean ikut trend haha. When I was fifteen years old (form 3 & had PMR examination) I was being so liar, budak baru nak up. I hang out with the whore, mingle with the young btches (well I was in the group of my girls semua), and I kinda bisexual. About my outfit? I love a long-sleeves cardigan with the shortpants even till dah masuk uni pun pakai lagi. One thing that you need to know and pls dont be misunderstand, those are all behind me, I wuld be nice to my bestfriend and to all my family's members. They dont even know what I did. Thats why people was so hard to describe me and doesnt mean I hang out with the btch and I also a btch. I take a good care of my virginityimage. I wont let guys touch me easily eventhough I had so many scandals dulu. Tiada penipuan here, Im still virgin. Fullstop. Masa form 3 lala agak terharu juga bila dapat 8A's straight in PMR examination, menangis huhu. Alhamdulillah. Then when I was sixteen (form 4) I was more to hardcore style, being an emooo kid *cute haha. XXX I love to hear screamo songs alot. I also had 9 pierced, 8 on the both ears and 1 on the upper lips. I was remember when I went to school and my friend ingat I had a mole lol. I also hide the pierced on upper lips by using plaster haha. When I was seventeen (Form 5 & SPM examination) senior year at school yeay!. This time I leave all the kids thingy, konon dah dewasa. So my social life semakin luas, i oftenly used harsh word, macam perkataan tuh biasa sahaja, kawan2 lala pun sama, fcking cool, fckingly tired mesti nak kena ada word fcking di depan, watthef*** -.- Nevertheless, I am so grateful that my academic achievement was very good. Or what people call, that educated-btch. Joking! Open your mind here. Then I got an offer from university, alhamdulillah. I moved to the next step and change my style. At first I thought that I wuld be more stylo in university, pergi class pun nak pakai make up, random hairstyle, baju yang hrmm.. those were all in the first semester. I dressed like korean! Second semester, I tried to wear hijab (but not fully) everytime when I went to class because first try was on first semester. Lala dari dulu lagi tak suka tudung, anti-hijab and friends in Rawang pun tiada yang memakai tudung, ada dua tiga jelah tuh pun tak rapat sangat. Masa first try bertudung, Lala pakai cream colour and I dont even know how to wear it properly. Early in the morning I called my classmate to bring an inner tudung and she gave me for free. Ingat lagi dalam toilet, Mirah and Bella helped me to wear tudung (bawal jer pun tk tahu) Lala biasa pakai tudung sekolah jea. After that in few hours rasa rimas, habis class kat cafe terus tanggalkan tudung. I dont even care on that moment. Esok datang class pun pakai lagi, tudung yang sama sebab ada satu jea yang mama bagi. On the third day and the next day dah tak pakai. Lala pernah kena panggil dengan lecturer lala (suruh tunggu after class) dia tanya kenapa on/off bertudung, asking if I had a problem. So I just tell her that I was "saja2" and she just okay.. On the month of Ramadhan, lala bertudung selama a month! yeahhh.. I did it, atas permintaan Dzul but pergi class jelah. And on the 2nd semester, lala bertudung sehingga sekarang, cuma that moment lala masih lagi on/off. Dan pada masa itu juga lala sudah tidak ber-relationship dengan sesiapa pun, dan sehingga sekarang lala langsung tiada scandal atau suka terhadap sesiapa. No one, just Allah, tentang my crush, Noel tuh next story, get it? :)

On the 3rd semester, inilah cerita tentang penghijrahan seorang hamba yang hina. On that night, I feel so stupid, I cried a lot and dont even have anyone beside me. Dalam hati ini meronta-ronta mengingati Allah. Nama Allah Allah Allah sahaja yang lala sebut.  This incident happened in my room at university. Roommates yang lain masing2 buat kerja sendiri. Lala terbaring keseorangan at my partition, crying inside my blanket. Hati ini sungguh sayu. "Hinanya diri nih... aku menyesal, Ya Allah.. aku menyesall..." itu jelah ayat keluar dari mulut. Every night and everyday I cried. Datang class seperti biasa, nampak happy padahal di dalam hati sebenarnya luka, pedih. I was thinking about my past, of what I've done to Allah. I am so ashamed with myself. After a week, I improved myself day by day. Daripada bertudung singkat with tight outfits. I just wore baju kurung because I dont have any casual clothes who can covered aurah dan tudung lala juga tidak dipinkan di bahu, hanya pin di tengah. Dua bulan setelah istiqamah bertudung dan memakai baju yang sopan, lala mengenakan tudung berbidang 50', memakai handsocks and stocking. Setelah istiqamah dan selesa dengan penampilan itu, akhirnya lala bertudung labuh in shaa Allah cukup mengikut syariat Islam. Dengan pemakaian seperti ini mengajar lala untuk bergaul, menjaga adab, apa yang lala buat semua terbatas kerana takutkan Allah, lala perlu menjaga dan cuba untuk menjadi wanita solehah. In shaa Allah. Oh ye, I forget something, apabila kita berniat untuk berubah dengan ikhlas, secara automatiknya Allah akan hantar sahabat-sahabat yang beriman kepada kita. Dan suatu malam di surau, lala duduk keseorang membaca al-Quran. Tiba-tiba ada seorang perempuan dari kuliah lain memanggil nama lala. "Lala, jom lah join " I dont know what did they do but they were doing usrah which I never know about it before. So start dari situlah bermulanya tarbiyyah dalam diri.

Started to wear hijab fully on : December 2012.

F.A.Q : What is the hardest thing/obstacles that you hv been faced?
Sometimes, I also feel rimas with tudung. Yelah, I am anti-hijab then sekarang ni bertudung labuh pula. Tapi hati ini kental, demi Allah lala buat. Walaupun masih kekok dalam hal menutup aurat, I wuld try to fix it slowly and thanks for friends who supported me masa di universiti. Other than that, certain family members and friends cannot accept me being like that. Lala pernah dikutuk, dikatakan hipokrit, saja main-main.. Allah.. saja main-main tuh yang lala tak dapat terimaimage. Walaupun lala ni teruk tapi tiadalah sehingga mempermainkan agama sendiri! Diejek ustazah ustazah, tudung labuh lah.. And one of my cousin risau tengok lala jadi begini, tutup sana tutup sini. Tapi berpakaian begini alhamdulillah lelaki takut nak sentuh. Adik lah yang paling bantah sekali lala berpakaian begini. She was so surprise to see me was wearing hijab when outing with her. Its okay.. she still young. She may not understand me. And dekat kampung pulak, kan ada cousins lelaki, so I have to wear hijab all the time, but just tudung sarung with a soft fabric lah. And uncle sebelah menantu pula bila bersalaman, so susah lala nak avoid. Salam hujung jari dan apabila mereka hulurkan tangan sahaja. Sepupu lelaki, lala langsung tak salam. Pelbagai ujian yang lala lalui sejak awal lagi. Memang masa tuh keseorangan lah, menangis jea tahu.  "La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha. tidak dikatakan beriman seseorang itu selagi dia tidak diuji." - Arina Ahmad. Go lalaa, cekalkan hati.

F.A.Q : How can I get Hidayah ?
I dont know why I always cried for every night.. Air mata pun cepat kering. Ada orang kata, ketika seseorang hamba menangis kerana Allah, air matanya cepat kering kerana Allah angkat air mata tersebut di saat hari pengadilan. Wallahualam, Allah saja yang tahu. Lala pun dah banyak kali experienced kalau nak dibandingkan ya memang cepat kering, indeed. Sesekali merasa rindu pada Allah, Allah terlalu dekat sebenarnya and then terus tersenyum seperti Allah membalas rindu kita padaNya. This is the great feeling ever. Lala sangat rindukan saat itu. Rindu hendak bersama Allah tiap-tiap saat.. Seperti bercinta, hari-hari ingin berjumpa Allah. Semua kehidupan lala, kesemuanya ada Allah sampai suatu saat lala lupa akan diri lala yang hina, lala lupa juga certain people in my past. Lala dah tak fikir tentang lelaki langsung, tiada perasaan langsung apabila mendekati mereka. Apa yang lala nampak, semuanya hamba Allah.. Is it okay if I wrote this? Perasaan cinta yang berkobar-kobar dalam hati ini, selalu ingin bersama Allah. Tidak pernah bersua muka, hanya memandang wallpaper kalimah Allah pada phone. Tak pernah lala merasa sangat dicintai. It seems like Allah replied my love multiply. Lala lebih berwajah ceria dan tidak muram seperti dahulu. Kerana ada Dia.

In addition, I see the hell. The fire. Setiap kali lala teringin untuk kembali seperti dulu due to I reviewed my old photos dan rasa cantik pula ketika free hair. Lala akan bermimpi, lala mimpi lala keluar dan tidak menutup aurat dan kemudiannya lala rasa sangat malu, malu teramat sangat seperti naked. Itulah akibatnya jika hijab dibuka. Its a reminder. Dan baru-baru ini, lala bermimpi diberikan pakaian neraka. Allah.. lala meraung2 ketika itu, lala menangis jea dalam neraka. Yes, I saw that clothes from hell. Banyak kali lala mimpi neraka. Dibakar, dilempar, dipukul. I just cant stop crying forever. Di padang mahsyar pula, muram jea wajah lala, mengeluh berpanas ketika berhimpun. Betullah orang kata, kita takkan fikir ape dah, masing-masing risau pada hari pengadilan tuh. "Aduh celakalah aku.." dialog ketika di padang mahsyar. Kira-kira penimbang pula, dosa lebih berat dari pahala dan muramnya wajah lala, menyesal. Di titian sirat pula, ah jatuh. Tak payah cakap lah.. I know I will going to the hell. Lala takut.. this is a reminder. Lala taknak jadi seperti dulu lagi, jahil! I shall turn to Allah before return to Allah. Wajah tidak akan pernah ceria dan berseri-seri di neraka. Friends/readers who read this, turn back to Allah. This is a reminder. read the al-Quran, that is the reminder. Follow Rasulullah, that is the reminder. Have your faith in Allah. Ini bukan magic ke hape. Ini bukan palsu. Jagalah aurat wahai puteriku sayang, akan diberikan pakaian hina di neraka. I ever saw it, I ever wore it, the worst clothes ever! percayalah.. :'O Malulah pada Allah. Kenapa berpakaian cantik di depan mata dunia sedangkan ia buruk pada pandangan Allah?

Sungguh setiap kali lala keluar, lala tak boleh nak angkat muka sebab ramai betul wanita yang tidak menutup aurat. Bukan sahaja yang tidak bertudung, malah yang bertudung juga. Perlulah diingatkan bahawa memakai tudung dan menutup aurat adalah dua perkara berbeza. "Ah dulu lala pun macam tuh jugak, lebih teruk." Why bob up and down about my past? Do not judge me thru my past. I dont live there anymore.

F.A.Q : Why me ?
I didnt do anything for Allah's sake. But Allah is too loving and forgiving. Allah gave hidayah for me, alhamdulillah.. I hope I will istiqamah on what I did. So you have read about me aight based on my past, FLASHBACK. Dari kecil sebenarnya lala sangat sukakan Islam, suka mengaji dan beribadah bersama-sama keluarga. Honest to say, ayah was a pious man. Tapi tak tahu lah kenapa lala jadi teruk, lala tidak berpeluang untuk mengenal Islam, tiada didikan agama sebab tuh lala tak tahu, solat pun tak betul, aurat pun tak tahu mashaAllah.. Kawan ajarkan solat dengan betul. Lala hanya tengok ayah sahaja dan tahu ayah memang alim. But lala ni jenis yang liar, a curious, i always wanting to do something and I am too stubborn, terpengaruh dengan persekitaran. Begitulah. Mungkin ada hikmahnya kenapa, maybe to be a good muslim after that? Berkat lala berhijrah juga kerana doa ayah. Agak terkilan apabila ayah sendiri mengaku yang ayah bersabar jea dan berdoa. Allah..nak mengalir air mata mendengar. Doa ayah selama bertahun-tahun. Alhamdulillah.. Allah sayangkan lala. Ayah was too spoiled me. Well, Im the eldest one. Dulu masa lala buat piercing pun ayah teman sekali, duduk sebelah. Short dress lala pun ayah pilihkan and other stuffs. Ayah ever ask me to wear hijab and even paksa but I dont want. I hate it. Ketika sebelum baligh, lala pernah berjanji dengan Allah yang lala tidak akan tinggalkan solat and alhamdulillah walau seteruk mana sekalipun lala masih menunaikan solat. Tidak pernah tinggalkan dengan sengaja. I wanna share a story when I hang out with the girls at KL. On that moment, zuhur prayer was in time and I asked my friends to accompany me to surau, even masa tuh bergaya macam hape, then my friend refused to perform solah and said qadak jelah. I was so angry. Dyorang bule buat tak tahu and enjoy berjalan. Lala bukan ape bule jea pergi sorang if I know the way. Memang masa tuh lala buat muka ar sepanjang hang out, hanya kerana tak dapat perform prayer. Perhaps, inilah sebabnya Allah berikan hidayah, masih ada keimanan dalam diri kowt? In shaa Allah.. Lagipun dalam al-Quran telah nyata bahawa Allah hanya memberikan hidayah kepada hamba-hambaNya yang terpilih. Kitalah yang harus mencari, Allah tak perlukan kita, tapi kita perlu Allah. Terpilihkah aku? Wallahualam. Terima kasih sangat pada Allah. Lala bersyukur atas kemanisan iman ini. This is my choice, my path.

F.A.Q : What did you do to be istiqamah?
Firstly ada seorang sahabat mengaku yang perubahan lala adalah sangat drastic! Baru bertudung dah melabuhkannya. Macam mana tuh? Fake it till you make it. Lala tak ikhlas pun masa mula bertudung. Semua bermula dengan memaksa. Sebab orang lah, sebab itulah sebab inilah. Pakai, then on/off then fully seminggu, then fully sebulan. Haa macam tulah. Lala jenis yang apabila bertudung mesti nak pakai long-sleeves semua tak suka short2 ni. Kalau nak pakai short, turn off the hijab, simple. That is how I think. Sentiasa ambil inisiatif untuk mencari ilmu, tidak kira di mana. Join usrah, solat berjemaah dan bergaul bersama-sama sahabat yang bergerak di jalan Allah. Kita yang baru nak berhijrah ni lala sarankan jangan seorang diri, keluar cari sahabat. Pergilah menuntut ilmu. Ingat, niat kerana Allah pun dah dapat pahala. Macam mana kalau kita ingin balik seperti dulu? Hrmm.. I see. Lala pun pernah terfikir jugak sebab dulu having fun, takde pun nak ditimpa kesusahan. But lala lain sikit, mungkin Allah jaga lala, thats why lala tak mudah berpatah balik in shaa Allah. Lagipun ramai kawan-kawan banyak membantu.

I may be drastic but not extremist. . .

F.A.Q : How do you feel after Hijrah?
There's a wisdom in what had happened. Alhamdulillah since I had embraced Islam fully, I feel so light, happy and being patience if I went into hardships. Dah tak mudah marah seperti dulu lagi. For me, of what had happened to me, I would assume it all came from Allah even just a tiny matter such as falling, waking up from sleep, getting illness and anything. It comes from Allah. Allah ever said in the Quran that the happiness, the sadness are all came from Him (I forgot which verse) Now you are reading this, it is also Allah's work. Cuma kita manusia, kitalah yang memilih jalan sama ada jalan kebaikan atau keburukan.

F.A.Q. : Do you have a boyriend?
Basically, I never think about it. I was wrong long time ago. I didnt know that having a relationship is forbidden in Islam. Itu kan barat punya style. Erm.. cukup sentap. Haraam coupling banyak mendatangkan maksiat pada kita sebenarnya, think deeply. I dont wanna mention about this, takut salah. You have brain, then think. About having a boyfriend, tipu juga kalau dalam hati tidak suka pada sesiapa, tapi pada hari ini memang belum ada lelaki yang lala suka hahaha. This feeling thingy lala handle dengan nyanyian Hasbi Rabbi; Cukup Allah bagiku.

Hi. We are at the end of the story. Thanks for reading mine. In conclusion, I hope whoever read this entry will grab and opportunity to inspire yourself. I dont hope for anything, lala cuma tak mahu post ini hanya lagha sahaja tiada benefits buat korang, k taknak macam tuh. Take this for your own reminder. Dunya is a temporary place, Akhirah is forever. Allah is infinity. For example we can see clearly, orang-orang kafir dan orang-orang fasik ni mereka sangat melebihkan dunia, suka enjoy buat itu buat ini macam-macam pada bumi Allah, mereka langsung tak tahu apa itu akhirat. Fikirlah sahabat, selagi boleh berfikir dengan logik and rasionally. One important thing as a muslim, perform your solah 5 times per day: Subuh, Zuhur, Asar, Maghrib dan Isyak.. Orang yang tak mahu sujud pada Allah adalah lebih jahat daripada iblis. Nauzubillah..  Solat itu tiang agama bagi kita dan kerana menunaikan solatlah peluang kita untuk jadi hamba pilihan Allah sepertimana mereka yang mendapat cahaya petunjukNya, tak senang weh nak dapat. As we can see also, ramai pula yang masih terkapai-kapai mencari arah. Moga diberikan petunjuk yang lurus. Turn back to Allah before you return to Allah. Hidayah tidak akan datang sendiri pada kita, kitalah yang kena minta. One more thing, jika doa kita masih tidak termakbul, keep making doa. Tak mengapa jikalau Allah tak makbulkan tetapi takutlah jika kita tidak diberi hidayah untuk berdoa lagi. So, dont lose your faith, be strong. Of any hardships you have been face now, be happy for it because Allah still love you.

Dean Listed.

It was a depressed moment when i got a low pointer for the first semester and i felt like i failed! That was the lowest pointer that I could achieve. Calming myself. I thought that this second semester would be drop as followed by the first sem. So last night the semester result are released, officially. Like how many times i pray to God that i would achieve the best one. And surprisingly, i cant believe that i am in dean-listed! Over 3.5. Alhamdulillah all praise to Him. Im so excited, like for the first time haha. A good news for me from Allah. He always cheers me up so i wont be sad all the times. My bestfriend also is in dean-listed. I'm happy to all student who attained the best result and for those who are unsatisfied with their pointer, dont be sad. I know how it feels and I ever been there before as i told you. You know, both Failure and Success are gifts by Allah. He wants you to learn, to be the great one. So, dont lose hope. Alahh as long as you are student of university, you're still clever haha. Janji tak kena expelled from university. I'll pray for your successful and happiness. Chin up, smile cause you look stunning.

Promise to myself that I really want to change to be a hardworking person.

Wake up early.

Clean up my home without depending on my maid.

And be discipline as well.

You know why?

Because I am a very lazy girl . . . 
                            these pictures are from tumblr

Hello fasting-people, today is the 2nd day of fasting, I just wanted to take this time to greet Salam Ramadhan to all beautiful muslims in the world. Wish you a very happy holy month and remember, always put God first in your heart. Well, for myself; i hope that I could control all my lagha activities like watching cartoons, movies, listening to musics or so on.. This is the only month anggap macam last ramadhan for us to fix our tar black soul to the purest one. Try purify it slowly in shaa Allah.. Nawaitu because of Allah and believe that He will help us. I also want to seek forgiveness to all my family and friends, Im sorry that I cant send text or call each one of you, so whoever read this, yup its for you all - Muslims. Dont forget to perform tahajud, tarawih, and of course fardhu five times each day and night. Replace our speech by zikr, Replace our sleep by tahajud, and replace our meal by quran, geddit? In shaa Allah.. Furthermore, its time for us to pray harder than we ever could nope not because to gain pahala only but to please Allah. Pray for our safety dunya akhirah, pray for our better future, our soleh/solehah jodoh, pray for our study and more. I really hope to get lailatul qadr. I want it.. I need it.. Nak tukar ganti hati yang telah hancur.

May This Ramadan be as bright as ever.
May this Ramadan bring joy, health and wealth to you.

May the festival of lights brighten you up
and your near and dear ones lives.

May this Ramadan bring in you the most
brightest and choicest happiness and
love you have ever Wished for.

May this Ramadan bring you the
utmost in peace and prosperity.

May lights triumph over darkness.
May peace transcend the earth.
May the spirit of light illuminate the world.

May the light that we celebrate at Ramadhan
show us the way and lead us together on the
path of peace and social harmony