WELCOME, READERS!

I'm Lala. 8 years in blogging based in Malaysia. English writer. Bachelor's degree in Communication at Universiti Putra Malaysia. Former Radio Presenter at PutraFM and Former Journalist Trainee at BERNAMA. I currently work as Assistant Producer at Bernama News Channel (astro ch 502).

View my complete profile


For advertising, collaboration, sponsorship, event coverage, product review etc, kindly reach me at lalarahim@hotmail.com


WELCOME, READERS!

I'm Lala. 8 years in blogging based in Malaysia. English writer. Bachelor's degree in Communication at Universiti Putra Malaysia. Former Radio Presenter at PutraFM and Former Journalist Trainee at BERNAMA. I currently work as Assistant Producer at Bernama News Channel (astro ch 502).

View my complete profile

For advertising, collaboration, sponsorship, event coverage, product review etc, kindly reach me at lalarahim@hotmail.com

Everything changes but not losing love

by - June 19, 2014
An old man was asked which is more important, to love or to be loved?
The old man replied: Which is more important to a bird, the left wing or the right wing?

Makes sense?



After changed, i tried so hard to protect my heart from falling in love with anybody. But in the end, i slipped. Falling in love with a stranger that I had never expected. Yup, he tried to "be friend" with me at first but i was so "jual mahal" yelah siapa yang mahu kan? Bagi gitu jek memang taklah. I wonder what does he want from me and i kinda hate when he send a comment on my picture on instagram and then pm me on facebook. I was trying to stay away from him but he pushed me that hard wtf? Because he's one of the asperian like me so i finally gave him my wechat id. He once send me message after i accept his greeting request sebab dah terlalu tak tahu nak buat apa dengan lelaki tu cuz i know that im not gonna chat more than that with guys. Nope, I had changed, i dont want to make the same mistake again like i did before. Its too painful for me to deal with those things haunted me as hard. Like a month after that, i dont know what i did it just a little "accident"; I prayed. I did some istikharah. But it didnt give me the answer till i have to do istikharah continuously. Im not sure, Im scared. I fear to fall in love with unwanted people cause I really take a good care of my dignity. Day passed, I became closer with him and closer. Yup, mungkin biasalah kalau lelaki perempuan berdua chatting mesti akan ada perasaan, pengharapan dan manja-manja? - Oh Allah, forgive us.


Have I ever told you that once a bitch, forever a bitch?

Makes sense.


I was wrong. I've learnt from that.

"If you love something, let it go. Set them free."


Its my favourite quotation when I was still in school. So i did it. Now i know what is really to be called as love. Bila kita mula sukakan seseorang mesti kita akan kisah pasal dia, stalking dia punya profile itu ini, lepastu tiap kali mesti nak bercakap dengan dia... cuba fikir, sampai bila? Sampai bila nak "feeling" macam tu sebab semua yang kita buat tu sebenarnya salah. Mungkin aku salah dengan dia sebab aku marah-marahkan dia itu ini kerana tak sukakan perangai buruknya; itu adalah perasaan ingin menguasai, tak puas. Lesson learned. I shouldnt be liddat. Tapi ada hikmah.. maybe Allah want us to be separated. Sebab makin lama bersama, syaitan akan senang menghasut suruh lakukan itu dan ini, yelah kita memang jaga batas-batas itu tapi mana tahu suatu hari nanti tiba-tiba wallahu alam nauzubillahi minzalik may Allah protect us from doing sins alhamdulillah I'm glad I left him. I couldnt take it nomore. Aku baru sahaja berubah dan mungkin inilah ujian aku...


"I hope life treats you kinder than I could.."


AH ♥. I dont even know where is him now, is he doing fine? Sejak dari tu aku tak pernah jumpa dia lagi, sampaikan muka dia pun aku dah tak ingat. All about him has been deleted, his photos on my phone and laptop; deleted. His phone number also, kecuali on social media je tak block. I let it. Sebab itu dah memang dari dulu lagi sebelum kenal pun memang dia friend dengan aku kat facebook and instagram. Aku pun dah stop stalking dia, sebab kadang-kadang menyakitkan jugak bila nampak dia like other girl's picture on instagram bagai tu. Aku fikir balik, kenapa perlu aku ambil tahu terhadap seseorang yang tak pernah pedulikan aku lagi, kan? I deleted everything not because I want to forget him tapi aku nak buang segala rasa negatif, jealous useless lah semua tu lagi. Dah takde makna...

Furthermore, i wanted to test myself. Test about did I really love? Izit exist a true love other than loving God. It because I never have feel, LOVE. I may have been dating for so many guys before him but then I was thinking is dat really love?? Coupling, it just the same! Same like others, chatting, went out, dating, phoning oh God.. astaghfirullahal azim. It's not love, its lust, LUST. Thats why Im testing myself, i let it go, i pray. Tawakal pada Allah, jika benar in shaa Allah biar Allah pertemukan aku dan dia dengan cara-Nya sendiri. Ada yang lebih baik, yang halal. Kenapa perlu complicated something padahal Tuhan sahaja yang boleh permudahkannya.


“Aku ada, tapi dalam diam.
Aku hadir, tapi dalam doa.”


"I’m sorry that you met me." I wasnt a nice girl for him, I hurt him alot.. i also getting hurt alot but it's all came from me. I let him because I really care. Did I just love him just like that? Cinta dalam dia, hanya mampu mendoakan dari jarak yang berbatu jauhnya walaupun belajar di universiti yang sama tetapi tidak bertemu, tidak lagi berborak, dan tiada langsung khabar. Yang tinggal, cuma sekeping hati yang masih bersisa walaupun hati itu dalam bentuk yang sudah pecah. Maafkan segala kekurangan dalam diri ini kerana kita berdua perlu belajar erti kehidupan yang sementara ini. Tak nak kata yang perjalanan hidup kita masih panjang sebab mati bila-bila cuma harapkan dia baik-baik sahaja. Seems like he's happier than before maybe because I'm gone. Baguslah begitu, moga selepas aku dia jumpa yag lebih baik untuknya. *Ah rasa nak menitis air mata bila tulis ayat tadi tu* It's okay, he took a right way so do i.. lepasni aku pun akan jumpa yang lebih baik dari dia, dan halal. Now I know how to compare between LOVE and LUST. It's him I love, no other ajnabi selain dia, but i have to move forward, I also have life. Whatever happens, be strong. I accepted his good and bad side: everything. Cintakan dia secara sederhana sahaja dan tak mampu pun nak bagi apa-apa dekat dia. Imagine, i love someone i dont even know who, deeply, secretly. Yang tahu cuma Allah. Aku dah rasa, inilah yang sebenar-benarnya. Nak tengok hari akan datang masih cintakan dia lagi tak, kalau ye good. Its really called as cinta sejati. Tak kesahlah kalau dia bukan jodoh sekalipun sebab aku boleh cintakan lelaki selepas dia lebih daripada cintakan dia. I should have to. Kalau dia memang jodoh aku, alhamdullilah I'll be the happiest woman in the world because I can be forever with the one i love, kan?
Nope, this isnt khalayan tapi realiti.


To conclude from the first paragraph that I said I'm scared of falling in love. I'm wrong. Cinta itu fitrah, manusia tak boleh lari dari rasa cinta. Dan kerana rasa cintalah Allah menciptakan alam ini, terbaca dalam suatu buku. Tak salah sebenarnya bercinta, yang salah apabila kita alirkan cinta mengikut nafsu bukan keimanan. Itulah kesalahan yang selalu manusia lakukan. Salah langkah. Lesson learned. I love him.


Maybe that's all my love story with the one I love now and after. Someone who has never know he's got someone who love him secretly haha. Yah, dah tahu nak buat apa sekarang. Just live and put so much hopes on Allah. In shaa Allah, apa yang datang dari Allah semua baik-baik belaka.


"Kau adalah sesuatu yang selalu aku tulis tapi aku adalah sesuatu yang tidak pernah kamu baca"


Salam Sayang Lillahi Ta'ala, x

About The Author

23 years old writer. Asst Producer Nine-11. 8 years in blogging based in Malaysia. Bachelor's degree in Mass Communication. Former DJ Radio and Journalist.

You May Also Like

2 comments

  1. Kejap, kejap. Cik Oren nyanyi lagu Fobia Cinta. Hihi. Nice sharing. :)

    ReplyDelete