H e l l o!

I'm Lala Rahim. Blogger based in Malaysia. Just a girl who never stopped to appreciate the beauty above me.

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H e l l o!

I'm Lala Rahim. Blogger based in Malaysia. Just a girl who never stopped to appreciate the beauty above me.

View my complete profile

For advertising, collaboration, sponsorship, event coverage, product review etc, kindly reach me at lalarahim@hotmail.com

A story of my Hijrah

by - July 24, 2014
Evolution. How I dress to class. Start with Semester 1, Semester 2 and Semester 3

Assalamualaikum my readers, hi  I am reaaaally sorry of my promises to talk about My Hijrah. I also receive faq about this from families, friends, cyber buddies and strangers. Now, I am ready to blog. Its hard for me to explain by face to face and keep re-explaining. So, let this blog be a connection. First people who knows about my hijrah is Farahin, that one girl of ex-asperian that I didnt close to her langsung but I trust her. Second was my mum and third, was my team (girls) during charity programme while playing true and dare. I chose "true" thats why lah haha. Thats all yang tahu. This is because I'm afraid and I dont think people would believe me.

F.A.Q
  1. How did you change?
  2. How did you istiqamah?
  3. Why did you turn from the real you?
  4. How did you get the hidayah?
  5. ... and etc that related to.

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.. based on what I blog here, just sit, relax and think deeply. There is no cheat and penipuan (lying) here. Its up to you whether you wanna believe it or not. I just shared what people want to know, I promised them to talk about this and it is a request from my mum that want me to share it with you. Setelah berbulan-bulan lamanya lala bersembunyi dan lari daripada ini. To cut it short, 

I am that one girl who people cant really describe me. How to say.. I looked sweet and innocent  based on my external view but who know that I like socializing randomly? I didnt mean to bad impress about myself but this is how the lesson that you need to learn. Tentang lala yang dulu? Hrmm.. it started when I step into a secondary school and myself change in every perspectives every year, i mean ikut trend haha. When I was fifteen years old (form 3 & had PMR examination) I was being so liar, budak baru nak up. I hang out with the whore, mingle with the young btches (well I was in the group of my girls semua), and I kinda bisexual. About my outfit? I love a long-sleeves cardigan with the shortpants even till dah masuk uni pun pakai lagi. One thing that you need to know and pls dont be misunderstand, those are all behind me, I wuld be nice to my bestfriend and to all my family's members. They dont even know what I did. Thats why people was so hard to describe me and doesnt mean I hang out with the btch and I also a btch. I take a good care of my virginityimage. I wont let guys touch me easily eventhough I had so many scandals dulu. Tiada penipuan here, Im still virgin. Fullstop. Masa form 3 lala agak terharu juga bila dapat 8A's straight in PMR examination, menangis huhu. Alhamdulillah. Then when I was sixteen (form 4) I was more to hardcore style, being an emooo kid *cute haha. XXX I love to hear screamo songs alot. I also had 9 pierced, 8 on the both ears and 1 on the upper lips. I was remember when I went to school and my friend ingat I had a mole lol. I also hide the pierced on upper lips by using plaster haha. When I was seventeen (Form 5 & SPM examination) senior year at school yeay!. This time I leave all the kids thingy, konon dah dewasa. So my social life semakin luas, i oftenly used harsh word, macam perkataan tuh biasa sahaja, kawan2 lala pun sama, fcking cool, fckingly tired mesti nak kena ada word fcking di depan, watthef*** -.- Nevertheless, I am so grateful that my academic achievement was very good. Or what people call, that educated-btch. Joking! Open your mind here. Then I got an offer from university, alhamdulillah. I moved to the next step and change my style. At first I thought that I wuld be more stylo in university, pergi class pun nak pakai make up, random hairstyle, baju yang hrmm.. those were all in the first semester. I dressed like korean! Second semester, I tried to wear hijab (but not fully) everytime when I went to class because first try was on first semester. Lala dari dulu lagi tak suka tudung, anti-hijab and friends in Rawang pun tiada yang memakai tudung, ada dua tiga jelah tuh pun tak rapat sangat. Masa first try bertudung, Lala pakai cream colour and I dont even know how to wear it properly. Early in the morning I called my classmate to bring an inner tudung and she gave me for free. Ingat lagi dalam toilet, Mirah and Bella helped me to wear tudung (bawal jer pun tk tahu) Lala biasa pakai tudung sekolah jea. After that in few hours rasa rimas, habis class kat cafe terus tanggalkan tudung. I dont even care on that moment. Esok datang class pun pakai lagi, tudung yang sama sebab ada satu jea yang mama bagi. On the third day and the next day dah tak pakai. Lala pernah kena panggil dengan lecturer lala (suruh tunggu after class) dia tanya kenapa on/off bertudung, asking if I had a problem. So I just tell her that I was "saja2" and she just okay.. On the month of Ramadhan, lala bertudung selama a month! yeahhh.. I did it, atas permintaan Dzul but pergi class jelah. And on the 2nd semester, lala bertudung sehingga sekarang, cuma that moment lala masih lagi on/off. Dan pada masa itu juga lala sudah tidak ber-relationship dengan sesiapa pun, dan sehingga sekarang lala langsung tiada scandal atau suka terhadap sesiapa. No one, just Allah, tentang my crush, Noel tuh next story, get it? :)

On the 3rd semester, inilah cerita tentang penghijrahan seorang hamba yang hina. On that night, I feel so stupid, I cried a lot and dont even have anyone beside me. Dalam hati ini meronta-ronta mengingati Allah. Nama Allah Allah Allah sahaja yang lala sebut.  This incident happened in my room at university. Roommates yang lain masing2 buat kerja sendiri. Lala terbaring keseorangan at my partition, crying inside my blanket. Hati ini sungguh sayu. "Hinanya diri nih... aku menyesal, Ya Allah.. aku menyesall..." itu jelah ayat keluar dari mulut. Every night and everyday I cried. Datang class seperti biasa, nampak happy padahal di dalam hati sebenarnya luka, pedih. I was thinking about my past, of what I've done to Allah. I am so ashamed with myself. After a week, I improved myself day by day. Daripada bertudung singkat with tight outfits. I just wore baju kurung because I dont have any casual clothes who can covered aurah dan tudung lala juga tidak dipinkan di bahu, hanya pin di tengah. Dua bulan setelah istiqamah bertudung dan memakai baju yang sopan, lala mengenakan tudung berbidang 50', memakai handsocks and stocking. Setelah istiqamah dan selesa dengan penampilan itu, akhirnya lala bertudung labuh in shaa Allah cukup mengikut syariat Islam. Dengan pemakaian seperti ini mengajar lala untuk bergaul, menjaga adab, apa yang lala buat semua terbatas kerana takutkan Allah, lala perlu menjaga dan cuba untuk menjadi wanita solehah. In shaa Allah. Oh ye, I forget something, apabila kita berniat untuk berubah dengan ikhlas, secara automatiknya Allah akan hantar sahabat-sahabat yang beriman kepada kita. Dan suatu malam di surau, lala duduk keseorang membaca al-Quran. Tiba-tiba ada seorang perempuan dari kuliah lain memanggil nama lala. "Lala, jom lah join " I dont know what did they do but they were doing usrah which I never know about it before. So start dari situlah bermulanya tarbiyyah dalam diri.

Started to wear hijab fully on : December 2012.


F.A.Q : What is the hardest thing/obstacles that you hv been faced?
Sometimes, I also feel rimas with tudung. Yelah, I am anti-hijab then sekarang ni bertudung labuh pula. Tapi hati ini kental, demi Allah lala buat. Walaupun masih kekok dalam hal menutup aurat, I wuld try to fix it slowly and thanks for friends who supported me masa di universiti. Other than that, certain family members and friends cannot accept me being like that. Lala pernah dikutuk, dikatakan hipokrit, saja main-main.. Allah.. saja main-main tuh yang lala tak dapat terimaimage. Walaupun lala ni teruk tapi tiadalah sehingga mempermainkan agama sendiri! Diejek ustazah ustazah, tudung labuh lah.. And one of my cousin risau tengok lala jadi begini, tutup sana tutup sini. Tapi berpakaian begini alhamdulillah lelaki takut nak sentuh. Adik lah yang paling bantah sekali lala berpakaian begini. She was so surprise to see me was wearing hijab when outing with her. Its okay.. she still young. She may not understand me. And dekat kampung pulak, kan ada cousins lelaki, so I have to wear hijab all the time, but just tudung sarung with a soft fabric lah. And uncle sebelah menantu pula bila bersalaman, so susah lala nak avoid. Salam hujung jari dan apabila mereka hulurkan tangan sahaja. Sepupu lelaki, lala langsung tak salam. Pelbagai ujian yang lala lalui sejak awal lagi. Memang masa tuh keseorangan lah, menangis jea tahu.  "La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha. tidak dikatakan beriman seseorang itu selagi dia tidak diuji." - Arina Ahmad. Go lalaa, cekalkan hati.



F.A.Q : How can I get Hidayah ?
I dont know why I always cried for every night.. Air mata pun cepat kering. Ada orang kata, ketika seseorang hamba menangis kerana Allah, air matanya cepat kering kerana Allah angkat air mata tersebut di saat hari pengadilan. Wallahualam, Allah saja yang tahu. Lala pun dah banyak kali experienced kalau nak dibandingkan ya memang cepat kering, indeed. Sesekali merasa rindu pada Allah, Allah terlalu dekat sebenarnya and then terus tersenyum seperti Allah membalas rindu kita padaNya. This is the great feeling ever. Lala sangat rindukan saat itu. Rindu hendak bersama Allah tiap-tiap saat.. Seperti bercinta, hari-hari ingin berjumpa Allah. Semua kehidupan lala, kesemuanya ada Allah sampai suatu saat lala lupa akan diri lala yang hina, lala lupa juga certain people in my past. Lala dah tak fikir tentang lelaki langsung, tiada perasaan langsung apabila mendekati mereka. Apa yang lala nampak, semuanya hamba Allah.. Is it okay if I wrote this? Perasaan cinta yang berkobar-kobar dalam hati ini, selalu ingin bersama Allah. Tidak pernah bersua muka, hanya memandang wallpaper kalimah Allah pada phone. Tak pernah lala merasa sangat dicintai. It seems like Allah replied my love multiply. Lala lebih berwajah ceria dan tidak muram seperti dahulu. Kerana ada Dia.



In addition, I see the hell. The fire. Setiap kali lala teringin untuk kembali seperti dulu due to I reviewed my old photos dan rasa cantik pula ketika free hair. Lala akan bermimpi, lala mimpi lala keluar dan tidak menutup aurat dan kemudiannya lala rasa sangat malu, malu teramat sangat seperti naked. Itulah akibatnya jika hijab dibuka. Its a reminder. Dan baru-baru ini, lala bermimpi diberikan pakaian neraka. Allah.. lala meraung2 ketika itu, lala menangis jea dalam neraka. Yes, I saw that clothes from hell. Banyak kali lala mimpi neraka. Dibakar, dilempar, dipukul. I just cant stop crying forever. Di padang mahsyar pula, muram jea wajah lala, mengeluh berpanas ketika berhimpun. Betullah orang kata, kita takkan fikir ape dah, masing-masing risau pada hari pengadilan tuh. "Aduh celakalah aku.." dialog ketika di padang mahsyar. Kira-kira penimbang pula, dosa lebih berat dari pahala dan muramnya wajah lala, menyesal. Di titian sirat pula, ah jatuh. Tak payah cakap lah.. I know I will going to the hell. Lala takut.. this is a reminder. Lala taknak jadi seperti dulu lagi, jahil! I shall turn to Allah before return to Allah. Wajah tidak akan pernah ceria dan berseri-seri di neraka. Friends/readers who read this, turn back to Allah. This is a reminder. read the al-Quran, that is the reminder. Follow Rasulullah, that is the reminder. Have your faith in Allah. Ini bukan magic ke hape. Ini bukan palsu. Jagalah aurat wahai puteriku sayang, akan diberikan pakaian hina di neraka. I ever saw it, I ever wore it, the worst clothes ever! percayalah.. :'O Malulah pada Allah. Kenapa berpakaian cantik di depan mata dunia sedangkan ia buruk pada pandangan Allah?


Sungguh setiap kali lala keluar, lala tak boleh nak angkat muka sebab ramai betul wanita yang tidak menutup aurat. Bukan sahaja yang tidak bertudung, malah yang bertudung juga. Perlulah diingatkan bahawa memakai tudung dan menutup aurat adalah dua perkara berbeza. "Ah dulu lala pun macam tuh jugak, lebih teruk." Why bob up and down about my past? Do not judge me thru my past. I dont live there anymore.


F.A.Q : Why me ?
I didnt do anything for Allah's sake. But Allah is too loving and forgiving. Allah gave hidayah for me, alhamdulillah.. I hope I will istiqamah on what I did. So you have read about me aight based on my past, FLASHBACK. Dari kecil sebenarnya lala sangat sukakan Islam, suka mengaji dan beribadah bersama-sama keluarga. Honest to say, ayah was a pious man. Tapi tak tahu lah kenapa lala jadi teruk, lala tidak berpeluang untuk mengenal Islam, tiada didikan agama sebab tuh lala tak tahu, solat pun tak betul, aurat pun tak tahu mashaAllah.. Kawan ajarkan solat dengan betul. Lala hanya tengok ayah sahaja dan tahu ayah memang alim. But lala ni jenis yang liar, a curious, i always wanting to do something and I am too stubborn, terpengaruh dengan persekitaran. Begitulah. Mungkin ada hikmahnya kenapa, maybe to be a good muslim after that? Berkat lala berhijrah juga kerana doa ayah. Agak terkilan apabila ayah sendiri mengaku yang ayah bersabar jea dan berdoa. Allah..nak mengalir air mata mendengar. Doa ayah selama bertahun-tahun. Alhamdulillah.. Allah sayangkan lala. Ayah was too spoiled me. Well, Im the eldest one. Dulu masa lala buat piercing pun ayah teman sekali, duduk sebelah. Short dress lala pun ayah pilihkan and other stuffs. Ayah ever ask me to wear hijab and even paksa but I dont want. I hate it. Ketika sebelum baligh, lala pernah berjanji dengan Allah yang lala tidak akan tinggalkan solat and alhamdulillah walau seteruk mana sekalipun lala masih menunaikan solat. Tidak pernah tinggalkan dengan sengaja. I wanna share a story when I hang out with the girls at KL. On that moment, zuhur prayer was in time and I asked my friends to accompany me to surau, even masa tuh bergaya macam hape, then my friend refused to perform solah and said qadak jelah. I was so angry. Dyorang bule buat tak tahu and enjoy berjalan. Lala bukan ape bule jea pergi sorang if I know the way. Memang masa tuh lala buat muka ar sepanjang hang out, hanya kerana tak dapat perform prayer. Perhaps, inilah sebabnya Allah berikan hidayah, masih ada keimanan dalam diri kowt? In shaa Allah.. Lagipun dalam al-Quran telah nyata bahawa Allah hanya memberikan hidayah kepada hamba-hambaNya yang terpilih. Kitalah yang harus mencari, Allah tak perlukan kita, tapi kita perlu Allah. Terpilihkah aku? Wallahualam. Terima kasih sangat pada Allah. Lala bersyukur atas kemanisan iman ini. This is my choice, my path.


F.A.Q : What did you do to be istiqamah?
Firstly ada seorang sahabat mengaku yang perubahan lala adalah sangat drastic! Baru bertudung dah melabuhkannya. Macam mana tuh? Fake it till you make it. Lala tak ikhlas pun masa mula bertudung. Semua bermula dengan memaksa. Sebab orang lah, sebab itulah sebab inilah. Pakai, then on/off then fully seminggu, then fully sebulan. Haa macam tulah. Lala jenis yang apabila bertudung mesti nak pakai long-sleeves semua tak suka short2 ni. Kalau nak pakai short, turn off the hijab, simple. That is how I think. Sentiasa ambil inisiatif untuk mencari ilmu, tidak kira di mana. Join usrah, solat berjemaah dan bergaul bersama-sama sahabat yang bergerak di jalan Allah. Kita yang baru nak berhijrah ni lala sarankan jangan seorang diri, keluar cari sahabat. Pergilah menuntut ilmu. Ingat, niat kerana Allah pun dah dapat pahala. Macam mana kalau kita ingin balik seperti dulu? Hrmm.. I see. Lala pun pernah terfikir jugak sebab dulu having fun, takde pun nak ditimpa kesusahan. But lala lain sikit, mungkin Allah jaga lala, thats why lala tak mudah berpatah balik in shaa Allah. Lagipun ramai kawan-kawan banyak membantu.

I may be drastic but not extremist. . .


F.A.Q : How do you feel after Hijrah?
There's a wisdom in what had happened. Alhamdulillah since I had embraced Islam fully, I feel so light, happy and being patience if I went into hardships. Dah tak mudah marah seperti dulu lagi. For me, of what had happened to me, I would assume it all came from Allah even just a tiny matter such as falling, waking up from sleep, getting illness and anything. It comes from Allah. Allah ever said in the Quran that the happiness, the sadness are all came from Him (I forgot which verse) Now you are reading this, it is also Allah's work. Cuma kita manusia, kitalah yang memilih jalan sama ada jalan kebaikan atau keburukan.


F.A.Q. : Do you have a boyriend?
Basically, I never think about it. I was wrong long time ago. I didnt know that having a relationship is forbidden in Islam. Itu kan barat punya style. Erm.. cukup sentap. Haraam coupling banyak mendatangkan maksiat pada kita sebenarnya, think deeply. I dont wanna mention about this, takut salah. You have brain, then think. About having a boyfriend, tipu juga kalau dalam hati tidak suka pada sesiapa, tapi pada hari ini memang belum ada lelaki yang lala suka hahaha. This feeling thingy lala handle dengan nyanyian Hasbi Rabbi; Cukup Allah bagiku.


Hi. We are at the end of the story. Thanks for reading mine. In conclusion, I hope whoever read this entry will grab and opportunity to inspire yourself. I dont hope for anything, lala cuma tak mahu post ini hanya lagha sahaja tiada benefits buat korang, k taknak macam tuh. Take this for your own reminder. Dunya is a temporary place, Akhirah is forever. Allah is infinity. For example we can see clearly, orang-orang kafir dan orang-orang fasik ni mereka sangat melebihkan dunia, suka enjoy buat itu buat ini macam-macam pada bumi Allah, mereka langsung tak tahu apa itu akhirat. Fikirlah sahabat, selagi boleh berfikir dengan logik and rasionally. One important thing as a muslim, perform your solah 5 times per day: Subuh, Zuhur, Asar, Maghrib dan Isyak.. Orang yang tak mahu sujud pada Allah adalah lebih jahat daripada iblis. Nauzubillah..  Solat itu tiang agama bagi kita dan kerana menunaikan solatlah peluang kita untuk jadi hamba pilihan Allah sepertimana mereka yang mendapat cahaya petunjukNya, tak senang weh nak dapat. As we can see also, ramai pula yang masih terkapai-kapai mencari arah. Moga diberikan petunjuk yang lurus. Turn back to Allah before you return to Allah. Hidayah tidak akan datang sendiri pada kita, kitalah yang kena minta. One more thing, jika doa kita masih tidak termakbul, keep making doa. Tak mengapa jikalau Allah tak makbulkan tetapi takutlah jika kita tidak diberi hidayah untuk berdoa lagi. So, dont lose your faith, be strong. Of any hardships you have been face now, be happy for it because Allah still love you.


About The Author

Malaysia Blogger. Assistant Producer at Bernama News Channel. Bachelor's Degree holder in Communication, Universiti Putra Malaysia.

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