H e l l o!

I'm Lala Rahim. It's been 9 years in blogging. I currently work as Assistant Producer and Reporter at Bernama News Channel on astro 502.

View my complete profile

For advertising, event coverage, product review kindly reach me at lalarahim@hotmail.com

H e l l o!

I'm Lala Rahim. It's been 9 years in blogging. I currently work as Assistant Producer and Reporter at Bernama News Channel on astro 502.

View my complete profile

For advertising, event coverage, product review kindly reach me at lalarahim@hotmail.com

atau mana-mana media sosial.
Cuma nak tanya ..

Based on my previous entry below, continue with this
I'm still finding myself. To find and define the real Nrl Adla. I'm sorry if my appearance doesn't suit myself but just to let you know that I really love wearing hijab now. Hijab means everything for every women. Maybe with this hijab can prevent me from doing bad and act good even I have to act like one but I really sincere in wearing it. People couldn't shut their mouth so let me be invincible to them for this moment. I can back off if they hate me. I don't need them to like me back. One day, they will understand. Rabb, guide me through this new episode.

I may not be the girl that he wanted. I'm just me, myself. I can't be kind, I can't be pretty.
Hit by the past and I'm drowning myself into a dark hole.
I'm sorry for being so over. I push him away and knock him down.
I realize that he is the only one man among so many guys I had met before, that understand me so well, stayed with my hot-tempered kind of girl.

I can't stop crying because of what I did to him. Mine, filled with so much regretness.

Dear my readers,
I just want him to know that deep inside my heart, I could not stop this feeling. I really love you Ahmd Hzm (for the first time I reveal his name in my blog itupun i make it short but i bet you know this short-name-form). It's almost two years be with him and that is one thing that I never have regret. I'm not bothered langsung if he hate me, I'm not bother if he is belong to someone else. Because I love him and I really love him sincerely, deeply.
And he doesn't know how hard I am going through this hardships after I broke with him. I was mingling with new people cause I search for him in everyone else but i don't find it. How unhappy I am with myself until one day I did a big mistake by hurting others' heart without my realization. One night my friend, Z asked me to meet him. I went out sebab dia kata ada benda serious nak kena berbincang dan dia paksa aku banyak kali suruh keluar sekarang ikut dia. Nak taknak aku pun turun ar kat cafe waktu tu pukul 12 malam. He said I hurt their friend until their friend became a bit tak betul because of me. Frust sebab aku. I know there's many more guys I had hurt. I'm so sorry I never thought that they hurt because of me cause I've already told them not to put any hopes on me and I already said NO, I guess they are just playing with me so I left them simply like that heartlessly. So now I've been labelled by the guys as "The Heart-breaker".

I feel like unbelievable of what he said, banyak kali aku tanya betul ke that boy frust sebab aku sampai demam, sampai jadi macam tak siuman. Dah lama-lama tu aku percayalah sikit, takkan Z nak tipu aku kan.. lagipun kawan-kawan diorang awal lagi dah nasihatkan dia, Jangan dengan Lala, jangan.. tapi dia degil gak nak usha aku. Tu cerita yang aku dengar ar. Phone aku kena selongkar sebab nak tengok apa yang aku chat dengan member lelaki tu sampai dia frust, twitter aku pun diorang stalk, wechat aku Z pegang kejap. Tu yang aku stop tweeting tu. Nanti teruk aku.

Z : Bagitahu aku berapa banyak lelaki yang kau pernah contact??
Me: Emm.. entah lah.. tak terkira. (Im just being jujur)
Z : Haa banyakkan. Yang kau contact secara deep berapa??
Me : Mana ada sangat... Tapi aku cuma kawan je dengan diorang, just being friendly.

Hmm.. tu belum masuk lelaki di luar UPM. Pukul 1 pagi baru aku balik bilik selepas discuss, nasib baik ada 2 orang je lelaki kat situ kalau ramai member diorang panggil naya aku. Aku bukan tak care doh dengan semua orang yang pernah aku kenal. Aku nak gak tanya diorang apa khabar. Cumanya Z nasihatkan aku stop terus jangan contact dah dengan lelaki-lelaki yang sudah frust dengan aku. Move on. Tapi memang bukan salah Lala.

I hope I can stop the wrong thing I do. I will turn off! It is all because the social medias. I already stop tweeting. And I need to stop posting pictures on Instagram too. I need to stay away from social networks. Fix myself but I know my name is already been blacklisted. Dah buruk dah pun nama aku dan susah untuk dibersihkan sebab aku dulu dan setelah bertudung labuh pun still, they called, "The Heart-breaker". Ni member-member lelaki lah yang label. Nasib baik aku rapat dengan sorang lelaki yang aku anggap brother, dia yang suruh aku turun so I hope he will defend me. Dan dia ada cakap kat aku kalau nak cari lelaki pun jangan cari kat UPM dah sebab nama aku dah blacklisted dengan budak-budak lelaki kat sini (sebab semua lelaki kat upm ni aku dah sapu katanya). Macam tak sangka.. everybody will hate me now.

To all my blog readers, yahh this is me, I'm revealing myself and I'm such a jerk.

Kalau aku berubah sekalipun, I can't clean my name. They won't trust me anymore.

Sebab masa lampau aku memang dah macam ni, so bila aku berhijrah then buat lagi perangai lebih-lebih lagi aku dah bertudung labuh tu yang tak kena dengan diri aku. Sampaikan aku rasa penampilan aku yang muslimah ni tak sesuai dengan diri aku. Boleh tak nak tanggalkan hijab ni dan jadi diri sendiri macam masa lalu? Tapi bila fikir balik aku pakai pakaian macam ni kerana Allah jugak. Cumanya bagilah aku masa untuk kikis perangai lama aku kan. They cant blame on me. Diorang tak boleh tengok dari salah dari side aku je, tengoklah dari side lelaki-lelaki yang try on me. Diorang yang put hopes too much. Aku melayan sebagai kawan je. I'm just being friendly. Sebab diri aku yang lalu pun memang friendly, memang gila-gila sikit aaannd yelah a bit social lah jugak aku waktu dulu. Aku dah bosan dengan pakaian-pakaian lama aku yang mendedah aurat ni, takkan tak boleh aku bertudung labuh? Jadi they all have point to bash me due to my appearance. Kiranya macam aku failed lah bab ikhtilat. Hello, I'm learning! Izit wrong being friendly?

Lebih baik orang cop aku sombong daripada calling me a playgirl.

I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry to dear one I love too. I hope he will become a very good person and be happy, be very very happy even without me. I am no longer be the one that he need. I'm such a pathetic, useless. Aku mesti redha dengan apa yang telah berlaku. Instead of saying moving on, I better say redha. Roommate cakap kalau nak move on, anggap jelah yang dia dah ada girlfriend lain even dia memang takde. So that slowly I will back off. Aku tengok dia happy je tanpa aku okay lah kan. Berkorban perasaan lala.. Cinta yang ikhlas tu takkan mengharapkan dia untuk membalas cinta kita semula. Berbahagia apabila tengok orang yang kita cinta itu bahagia. Manalah tahu kan Allah akan gantikan dengan lelaki yang lebih baik dari dia. Yang aku sendiri pun tak tersangka. Its okay, just improvise. Tapi aku takkan putus contact lah dengan dia, tak perlu pun aku putuskan hubungan dengan dia walaupun kadang-kadang dia text aku tak reply sebab aku rasa tak perlu. Bila ada something happened atau tanya khabar je aku akan reply text dia, tak perlu panjang-panjang bersembang nanti berperasaanlah pulak. Dia kan hanya kawan, *smile :)

So I have already reveal his short-name-form here, I guess this is the last time I talk about him. I'm sorry I am no where near perfect. I can't write better so I guess this is enough. If you have anything to ask me, you can ask me here: www.ask.fm/flouera

All I do now is improving my nawaitu, I should set in my mind whatever I do is to get His bless. I do pray for the one I really loved. Agak malu lah jugak masa nak typing semua ni dalam blog, aku fikir banyak kali tau nak post ke tak nak post ke tak. I hope people who read this will take a lesson from my story tau.

Au revoir (Goodbye) dear. You're really kind, I can feel your sincerity in which I couldn't get from anyone else, he was there in my past, he knows about my problems and he knows every sides of me. Me either, I know his style, I know the way he eats, I recognize his voice, his smell. I can recognize him from his back, the body that I miss, I miss everything in him. I can see him with my bare eyes which I'm a short-sightedness person I can't see people clearly but him, I think I have instinct on him. I can't resist him. But now he's gone because of my faults. Surely I can live without him too in shaa Allah. Dekatkan diri dengan Allah mungkin aku dapat lupakan dia. Ada jodoh ada.

"And if you are destined to be with me, no matter what happen, we will be together." he said.

Nrl Adla.
Happy Sunday everybody! Happy a lazy Sunday to the lazy person like me. So masa subuh tadi terbangun a bit late la sebab tu hari ini will be my unfortunate day sebab, lambat subuh. Tak punctual lah aku. Dah la bangun subuh lambat lepas tu tertidur after Subuh pulak tu. Jadahnya bila plan taknak tidur lepas subuh tapi tertidur jugak. So..this is me. Suck. Then at 10.20am dad sent me to UPM and he waited for me doing a blood donation.

This is my second blood donation after 2 years. At first the injection was on my left arm. I was being "mengada-ngada" lah jugak masa tu. Keep complaining. Sakit lah nurse, tak selesa lah nurse. Ehhe.. that's just me. Lepastu after few minutes taking blood, and suddenly the nurse having a difficulty. My blood is clotting so fast. They were checking if there's any problem with my blood. It is so painful when she keeps touching the very thick needle that is still left under my skin. After that, the nurse said that I have to switch to the right arm pulak. Ah pulak dah till both of my hands need to take the blood. But, dah buat at the right arm tapi tak menjadi. The blood doesnt flow and my arm is easily get swollen. Terus tanggalkan balik jarum. Orang lain semua sebelah tangan, aku je kena dua-dua. Habis darah aku. So right now, I am suffering the pain due to the thick needle and dizziness. Wish me fine!!

And that moment semua berpasang-pasangan lelaki perempuan wakaka. Shit ar aku kena baring sebelah lelaki. My dad at first dia teman aku tau lepas tu dia lari lepak cafe serumpun minum-minum dulu lepastu dia cakap tunggu kat kereta. Eleh..sebenarnya daddy takutkan darah wakaka.

Finally, they gave me these. Thank you yeayy. 100 plus drink also. Got 3 merits babe and a certificate. So I hope lepas ni I'll be consistent in doing the blood donation. So bila tadi they are having difficulty in taking my blood apakah selama ini darah yang mengalir dalam badan aku darah yang tak elok? wakaka.. yeayy dapat darah baru huu.
Akulah anginnya tu.

Puas kena brainwash dengan roommate aku. Pasal aku cerita kat dia yang aku private message dengan stranger. Lelaki pulak tu. Pergh deep. Memang aku nak stop semua ni tapi aku perlukan masa, slow slow. Daripada tahun lepas Echa nasihatkan aku pasal benda ni. Dia tengok dalam diri aku ada satu perkara yang tak berubah which is,


Maybe sebab aku suka bermesej, dah terbiasa. Aaaa macam mana lagi aku nak stop doh. Bahaya bila cari pasal dengan stranger, sebab kita tak kenal dia. Macam-macam dia boleh buat kat kita. Alamak, aku dah terbagi password twitter aku shit. Harap memang takde pape berlaku lah lepasni kalau aku tak layan dah. Bukan masalah aku taknak layan, the thing is aku perlu stop benda ni semua. K, i admit that I am the one to be blame. Sorry guys. Aku dah pasrah pasal twitter aku. If anything going to be happen on my twitter account, let it. Even twitter tu dah bertahun-tahun aku sayaangg gila tempat luahan yg paling active before my blog. Lantaklah kalau takde twitter pun kahkahkah..

Lepasni, cari sesuatu untuk dilakukan. Main game ke, watching video ke. Kalau nak bermesej pun mesti kena ada purpose. Hrmm. Balas bila perlu jelah. Ugh aku takde siapa nak guide nih! Memang benda ni lah yang aku masih tak move on. Haha, benda sekarang aku taktahu, aku memang la tak layan tapi diorang yang keep on message aku. Adalah jugak aku tinggalkan blue tick. Tapi at the end aku melayan jugak sebab kesian, padan muka aku lembut hati sangat, aku mudah simpati doh kat orang. Ah daripada tahun lepas. Sejak break up with the ex-boyfriend la aku jadi macam ni. And kalau dia tahu yang aku dok sembang dengan lelaki strangers, mampus aku. Im sure he will be mad at me eventhough he looks so cool. Hell no I won't tell him. Tapi aku rasa dia tahu sebab pernah je kantoi..

Betullah echa cakap, bila dah start bergurau senda, start private message, salah seorang akan ada perasaan. Yang aku pulak memang taknak relationship tapi impossible la takde perasaan kan. Urmm okay.. Habislah dah terlanjur message cemana nak stop terus camtu. Kenalah take time slowly. Alahai.. hidup aku sekarang. Hancur. Seorang demi seorang Allah hantar untuk menguji. At the end bergaduh lah dengan strangers. Too much rejecting people orang label aku jual mahal. Takde boyfriend orang kata aku lesbian. Demmit. Melayan, jadi bitch pulak. Demmit.

And then she said, cari yang betul-betul menyakinkan aku. Yang aku rasa ha dialah orangnya!

t-.- for myself.
Its Sunday. Tomorrow will be the second week of semester 2. I am so nervous! because day by day will be a lot of assignments to do, especially the most hard is interview people. Tokoh. Me and my partner has already chose who will we want to interview.

For the assignment of "Penulisan Rencana" I may be write about online dating. Technology has revolutionized dating for the 21st century, where the Internet, laptop and mobile phone have become essential for dating tools. These days, it is all about boy meets girl online, boy chats with girl on Whatsapp, boy and girl declare their relationship status on Facebook and stay tuned, hehe.. tapi seriously, I'm out of idea to do this  photo 1706.gif

During my father and I headed back to UPM. He did say about urmm hehe.. marriage and things related to have a partner image. At first dia mention pasal kawan aku and her boyfriend, dah nak berkahwin ke ayah tanya. I said not yet tunggu mereka habis belajar dulu baru berkahwin, tapi kedua-dua belah family tahu they are in relationship from what I've heard from my friend lah. She used to be my berstfriend.

Dedi said, "Senang je kan, habis belajar tak payah nak fikir ape dah, terus berkahwin. Senang mak bapak boleh berehat.."

 photo th15-4.gif

Well, he knew that I am single. I know that he wants to have a "rest" you know what I mean. But I gave an excuse to him, "Dilla susahlah ayah.. lebih2 lagi course dilla ni pasal bidang media, apetah lagi kerja sebagai seorang wartawan. Sangat busy."

Itu alasan aku. Busy. Kerja seorang wartawan sebijik macam doktor. Yeahh.. ayah pun faham lah kan.. Setiap kali dia balik nak hantar aku ke UPM, ayah mesti cakap pasal marriage. Macam-macam dia nasihatkan aku pasal nak cari lelaki yang tepat, nak cari suami dan menjadi isteri yang baik.

Seems like I'm going to be single forever je  Sebab aku macam pentingkan kerjaya aku. I think about my parents, I want to make them happy. I want to give what they want first. Of course, I do think about having a relationship, falling in love and get married. Dah bermacam-macam lelaki yang aku kenal tapi belum jumpa lagi yang menyakinkan aku dan yang memberi aku harapan untuk masa depan. Aku fikir for the long-term period tau bukan nak couple putus couple putus. If I have a boyfriend right now, it means that I'm going to take care this relationship until we get married. In conclusion, I have to find the right man. Buruk baik kena terima seadanya. Aku, diri aku sendiri pun terkapai-kapai apetah lagi nak guide pasangan aku. Memang out lah.

Its okay, as long as I have Allah. I hope that He will take care of my spouse, a good man with a good akhlak, and if he did mistakes right now, I hope that he will realize and repent. I want someone that always trying to improvise himself to be better than yesterday. Bukan yang hanyut dalam dunia ni selama-lamanya.. So let's wait for a miracle.

Because the first chance I have is already broken so this time, I give myself a one last chance to choose what is right for me and leave the rest to Allah. What past is past, I'm going to clear up my heart, improving myself better than before, fix my relationship with Allah and then in shaa Allah, may He give something I have never ever imagine.